Ok, so I've been sick.......and really unable to run like I'd like to. I'm trying to train for the Boston Marathon and with less than 6 weeks left, every day I'm missing feels that much bigger. And I lost 2 long runs because of vacation travel.....then another one last weekend because I simply couldn't go....
So now I'm looking at doing 19 on the course this coming Saturday morning....and I'm worried about my ability to go out and do it and not either quit halfway through...or end up broken somewhere on the side of the road.
And then I start to think about how much I have trained so far......how smartly I've done it to avoid injury......and knowing that my cold/sinus infection/laryngitits is starting to go away and I'll start to truly feel more like myself soon.........and I start to feel better about the whole thing.
I had a bunch of students come to see me for help after school today........as much as I love the daily grind of being a classroom teacher, it's when I get to work with students either one-on-one or in a small group without distractions that's my favorite time of all. That's when I feel most useful and can truly help them better access the curriculum and begin to master the topic. These girls had lots of questions and we worked together to find the solutions. So when I left school, I was feeling really good. I'd had a good teaching day, the sun was shining, and it was wonderfully warm (around 55 degrees) and I was going to run outside.
I got home, laced 'em up and headed out.......I have a favorite 5-mile loop and my goal was to go easy and run 10's. When I returned, hit the driveway and shut off the Garmin, I'd run 5.09 miles @ 9:59.....right on target.
So while I'm still having my doubts about the whole thing, I'm going to keep doing what I've always done.....and that's to continue to put one foot in front of the other and repeat. If I need to slow down, I'll slow down. If I need to walk, I'll walk. I know I can do it.....I know I can finish.......and that knowledge is what I'll draw on every time that insecurity creeps up on me again.